Chapter 4: Discovery
FYI: Part A mentions a dirty deed done by many a teenager.
You may skip that part by clicking below, if you wish, but it is 1/2 of what helped my discovery.
Part A - Adult Fun Time Stuff
So, over the course of the year, I was Mast*****g daily and, as such, was getting bored of the normal material that I would watch while doing the deed. As you may, or may not, know, most of the websites that showcase this type of content often have many different genres of this media, much like there are different genres of music. I would usually look at 2 or 3 different genres before this and now, I was browsing the rest of the catalog, so to speak. It was this browsing that led me to a particular few genres. One was called, feminization. This particular one has the male subject being dressed up as a female (sometimes acted as though under duress) and made to do things (usually adult bedroom stuff) that are typical for females to do. I also found that and a couple others where the Male subject is often found in the more feminine or submissive situation of the scene instead of the masculine or dominant role.
That was a big egg cracking clue, though it was not obvious at the moment when I first found it. I later had to sit and think about why I liked that content, but it was a major puzzle piece.
Part B - A Subculture with a side entrance to the LGBT subculture.
So this might be weird connection but the Furry community (Which I found at the same time as all of this was unfolding), was more of an introduction to the LGBT subculture than most things. Let me explain.
1st of all, a quick aside. The Furry community is like any other community in that it is a group of like-minded individuals who share common interests. In this case, the furry community or Furry Fandom, is made up of people who are fans of anthropomorphic characters. (Animals with human features. like in the movie, Zootopia or The Bad Guys.) Also, the community is largely made up of LGBT folks and, as a whole, is a very accepting community in general. (As seen HERE and HERE.)
Now that that has been cleared up, I had been watching a few Animated Storyteller channels on YouTube like Odd1sout, Katzun, Sgt. Ducky, and chipflake, among others. Many of the creators behind those channels were asked if they were a furry because the main character in the videos was an anthro character or something, to which many made at least one video or another, usually saying no, BUT, because of this I was starting to be suggested content creators from the furry community one such video was Anthrocon 2018 - Fursuiting 101 Panel. I watched it, almost immediately followed by Anthrocon 2017 - Fursuiting 101 Panel with Gale Frostbane and Anthrocon 2019 - Fursuiting 101 with Gale Frostbang, Jib Kodi, Adler the Eagle, and more. The last of which had one of those animators in it, Adler the eagle. The next few videos that I watched were all fursuiting videos. I was fascinated by the concept and then realized the there was this whole furry fandom behind these videos. Now that I learned about this community and was regularly watching their content another topic came up within the community.
Many people would post videos about their orientation and/or identity and discussing what it was. Some were Asexual, some were Gay/Lesbian, etc. and even a few stated that they are Transgender. (The ones that spoke to me the most were Chipflake, Ash Coyote, and Stormi Folf's respective videos.)
A + B = Bisexual?
Yeah there was a period near the beginning of both of those 2 explorations that lead me down a path that I was not just into women. I liked men too. Kinda. It was weird don't worry this is more of a footnote or stepping stone. I thing I forgot to carry a 1 somewhere.
Take 2: A + B = Bi² ÷ √Pi = Trans!
Bonus: the remainder of that Bi² turned into Pansexuality. OK so the math metaphor is a bit stretched for the joke but still, it's what happened in my head over the course of about a year or so.
This is still all internalized remember, so I still need to explore the idea more and flesh it out (so to speak) before I can confront it head-on and start my journey toward who I was meant to be.
